ChocoLa Femme

The year’s been off to a good start so far. I had a great holiday season with my family and friends but I’m glad to get back to the mundane, everyday of it all. Which might sound a bit odd… but my “everyday, mundane” is actually everything but. Between teaching, family, making time for friends and taking care of my day to day business, I’m pretty consistently booked.

I got a decent amount of time to “rest” these past couple weeks. By rest, of course, I mean no teaching Zumba. My body got a break from the rigor of that. (My paycheck got a break too. It’s gonna suck due to lack of teaching/subbing. Oy.) But I was up and down, back and forth and all over town with Chris. It was nice to get out and do stuff so much with him. With him having winter break off from teaching he had plenty of time on his hands and he spent a lot of it with me.

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Tonight is a total lunar eclipse. It will be the darkest night on record since 1783. It’s also the Winter Solstice. The Sun enters Capricorn (my moon sign) and Mercury (my ruling planet and ruler of communication) has been and will stay retrograde until mid January (I think).

I’m not trying to get all celestial on you but a lot of forces are at work here. Mainly forces for change. Death and rebirth. Endings and new beginnings.

I’ve been dealing with a lot lately. Some good, some not so good…

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Last time I wrote I was feeling somewhat displaced, drained and uninspired. This past weekend has been just what I needed to feel not only fully myself again, but alive. I didn’t lose that feeling completely, but it was definitely muted by my life’s chaos and hubbub.

I spent a lot of time with my family, of course. Which was totally needed and overdue. I see my mom and dad every day because I’m still living at home but seeing them and spending quality time with them are two different things. We’re all so busy going in our own different directions all the time, so I cherish times like these. Both mom and dad were off from work for the holiday and that alone began to change my mood.

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Apparently Chris’ presence and behavior toward me has not gone unnoticed. And it’s gone over quite positively.

Mom tells me this evening that Daddy likes him a LOT. Really likes the way he’s been treating me and finds him to be a gentleman. Has even gone as far to say that he may soon be needing to have “the talk” with him.

That’s a huge deal in general, but especially for me. If you knew my father you would understand why. He’s only ever had “the talk” with one other boyfriend of mine. (Cyrus, incidentally… but I digress) He doesn’t pull out his Godfather act for just anyone, you understand. Other guys I’ve dated have gotten brief warnings, but not the whole sit-down. One guy I dated didn’t even get the warning. My dad disliked him so much he just never even acknowledged him. So this here is a big deal.

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I’m feeling somewhat disconnected from the impending holiday season this year.

It’s not because I don’t appreciate the time spent with friends and family or that I don’t feel particularly thankful or giving. I do. But I feel thankful and giving all of the time. (Well, most of the time. Lets remain honest.)

Maybe it’s because for the past few years, by this time of the month of November I was off somewhere. Last year it was Aruba with my mother. The year before that was North Carolina with an ex and his family. The year before that was Key West with Mom and Dad. The year before that was with my extended family in my native Brooklyn. The year before that… well, you get the idea.

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Cyrus asked Chris today about me. Randomly, it would seem… although I do find it ironic that of all people to ask about me he’d ask him. Perhaps he’s asked other people and I’m just unaware. Or maybe he saw our few interactions on facebook and figured he’d check in that way…

Either way.

He asked Chris if he’d spoken to me lately. Chris said he had, and that in fact he’d spoken to me just today. Then, Chris said, Cyrus told him that I hadn’t been speaking to him lately. And somewhere in there Cyrus said he didn’t see what he’d done wrong. With regards to me.

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I have a private group on facebook called Just My Girls. It’s got ten of my closest girlfriends in it. And the things we post can only be seen by us. I’m, for the most part, very open on facebook. Sometimes too much so. So I made the group so we could say anything. All the shit we want to post as our statuses to get some feedback that might otherwise be too private or inappropriate.

Today I posted that the “L” word might be creeping up on me. I’ve gotten no response (yet).

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I don’t like fake people.

Nor do I like two-faced people.

If someone is an ass, be an ass. Own your inherent ass-ness. I can respect and ass for being real about it, even if I don’t necessarily want to associate with them.

But when you’re one person to my face and another behind my back - especially when you’re talking shit behind my back one minute and then trying to smile in my face the next?

I’m sorry. I have no tolerance for that.

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